


i've found out what it takes to be (not really) a man

by userl4me



Series: Bandom Bingo 2017 [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Queer Themes, between danger days and conventional weapons era, group chat au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10074119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/userl4me/pseuds/userl4me
Summary: Gerard decides, fuck it, he's coming out as nonbinary. In a group chat, of all places. Anticipating anything, from a lukewarm to a bad reaction from his best friends. He still ends up getting the unexpected.





	

From the day one of getting a phone to the present, Gerard knew the most important rule of phone etiquette: never break up or confess your feelings by text. No one ever talked about coming out under the rules of phone etiquette, so Gerard continued with going into the group chat.

_ “Jesus Christ, I need to calm down,”  _ he thought to himself, biting his lip so hard the skin was close to breaking. Gerard had taken every precaution: all he had was his phone and the remains of his dignity behind a locked bathroom door, in case he needed to cry or throw up. Pages of research (okay, just the Wikipedia page on nonbinary people) were open on his phone, in case he needed any rebuttals. Finally, there were bags of Cheetos filling up the bathtub, if he needed to stress-eat. All in case shit hit the fan.

Gerard, with ragged breaths, contemplated breaking his phone and never saying anything. He never had that ball of self-loathing in his brain whenever he talked to the guys, no one ever suspected a thing before, and it’s not like he’d be any different after this text.

It’s not like he was even worried about a bad reaction (although he was anticipating some weird questions): no, the worst outcome would be if none of the guys gave a shit. Gerard almost felt stupid for wanting his friends, his  _ best friends _ , even his  _ brother,  _  to hate him. But if they’d just go, “cool”, and never talk about it after, then all the fear and the building of  _ “should I, shouldn’t I”  _ in Gerard’s cracked brain would go to waste. All this time worrying, none of the hours being valid.

Pressing his back to the cold porcelain of the bathtub, Gerard fumbled with his phone, staring at the keyboard until he realized he wasn’t blinking. Ignoring the burning in his eyes, Gerard knew that, from his heart to his brain, his friends would at least  _ try _ to accept him. Then again, Gerard didn’t want them to throw him a personalized pride parade, either. He didn’t know what he could possibly want from anyone.

_ “Better than coming out at, like, sixty or some shit,”  _ Gerard winced. He knew that the longer he’d weigh on this, the more it would hurt the guys that Gerard had waited  _ so long  _ not to say anything, as if he couldn’t trust his best friends. Mikey especially would be upset - brothers don’t usually keep secrets about themselves from brothers.

_ “Fuck who says I have to do this for me,”  _ Gerard thought, his burning eyes soothed by tears (induced from the light of the screen. He definitely wasn’t getting emotional over this).  _ “I’m doing everyone a favor with this.” _

Clicking on the group chat, Gerard bit his tongue to keep from saying anything out loud, just in case anyone decided to drop by on a whim and overheard him.

 

_ You’ve entered  _ **_“Mikey is a normie”_ **

 

__**Gerard:**_ Guys I have something really important. _

 

**_Frank:_ ** _ Did i make this group chat so no one can say anything (@mikey) _

 

**_Ray:_ ** _ yeah course gee. what’s up?? _

 

_ “Oh God, it’s really happening,”  _ Gerard thought. Taking a breath, Gerard grabbed a bag of Cheetos from the tub in case he’d start crying too early.

 

__**Gerard:**_ Just know that whatever I’m saying right now, I’m not fucking around like this is some joke. I’ve wanted to say something for a while, and figured it’s time to say it. _

 

**_Ray:_ ** _ wait did you kill someone??? _

 

**_Frank:_ ** _ ray we figured this would’ve happened one day but don’t worry gee i’ve got a cousin up in canada we can drive up there to hide the body in his cabin _

 

_**Gerard:** I DIDN’T KILL ANYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP FRANK _

_ Look, I think I’m nonbinary. _

 

No one said anything for a minute or so. By the time anyone said anything, Gerard was contemplating moving to San Francisco and becoming a drag queen.

 

**_Mikey:_ ** _ so… you’re not a boy? Or a girl, right? That’s what nonbinary is? _

 

__**Gerard:**_ Basically, I guess, but I’m still not sure. Maybe I’m just a feminine guy, but right now I think I’m nonbinary. Like, little bit of a girl, little bit of a guy. I’m not fully anything, though. _

 

**_Frank:_ ** _ huh (gee ignore whatever i said about murder but ray and mikey: keep that plan in mind) that’s ironic _

 

_**Gerard:** Wait, why? _

 

**_Frank:_ ** _ not to steal gee’s thunder or anything but im hella bi _

 

Gerard took a moment, and set down his bag of Cheetos and his phone, and just stared at the cabinet underneath the sink for a minute. He almost didn’t even notice when his phone buzzed.

 

**_Ray:_ ** _ yeah, me too (i think). like i don’t want to put any labels on yet, but it’s not like i can’t notice that Ryan Gosling’s hot _

 

__**Gerard:** S_o wait: was everyone closeted? _

 

**_Mikey:_ ** _ Dude i told you about that weird guy i met on Tinder a month back do you not remember this??? _

 

__**Gerard:**_ Well EXCUSE ME MIKEY for zoning out during ONE CONVERSATION (if it even did happen because I can’t remember). _

_ So. No one here is straight. _

 

**_Ray:_ ** _ well no… aren’t you just not cis? _

 

_**Gerard:** I’m pan. I thought you guys knew? _

 

**_Frank:_ ** _ NO ONE KNEW THIS GEE (wait do you have a new name or some shit) _

 

__**Gerard:**_ Nah I don’t care about names or pronouns. He/they’s good for me. _

 

**_(MIKEY_ ** _ named the conversation  _ **_“So. No one here is straight”.)_ **

 

**_Mikey:_ ** _ i would congratulate you on trusting us enough to come out and that i love and support you but you obviously don’t listen to anything i’m saying _

 

Grinning, Gerard let out a shaky breath, finally realizing he was crying. Happy tears, of course, because he clearly had the best friends and brother anyone could ask for.

 

__**Gerard:**_ I love you guys so much. Like I’m actually crying thanks so much for this. _

 

**_Frank:_ ** _ thats really gay gee i mean like three of us are men here _

 

**_Ray:_ ** _ i’m sitting with Frank right now and he might be crying but he’s covering his face so i can’t tell _

 

**_Frank:_ ** _ EAT A DICK RAY _

 

Gerard couldn’t help but grin again. Then he turned his head, realized his bathtub was still full of Cheeto bags for a potentially shitty-turned-amazing situation, and knew he had to get rid of all the evidence.

  
_**Gerard:** New topic: as a celebration for coming out, who wants to come over and help me eat all the Cheetos in my bathtub? _

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic! for a band i've only listened to for a week!! yet im still in mcr hell!!!
> 
> The title is based off of Green Day's, "Coming Clean". Also: if any improvements can be made to my writing, please tell me in the comments! Thank you!!


End file.
